news.
i’ve broken my arm. i was being reckless on a mountain, so it offered me a lesson. it is too early to know if its hard reminder, to slow down and take better care, has found purchase. grimacing on the ground with a broken rib a month before, my bike’s tires spinning slowly on the black ice beside me, didn’t seem to do it. lessons, however, are repeated in greater intensity until they are learned. perhaps the second time is the charm. it has increased my empathy for the fractured.
my uncle has died, my dad’s only and younger brother. he was a quiet man, a fisherman and trapper. his was a sudden and severe illness, and my family’s grief made for the blackest January. when i delivered a eulogy, with my only and younger brother, the church in the small town where he lived was filled with hundreds of people, many standing in the aisles. “if you had any doubt about the mark a quiet and gentle soul leaves on the lives of others, look around.”
there are some parts of life that we don’t get asked questions about. living and dying are two.
aweil is alive. she is the girl for whom i wrote my book, the one with tuberculosis who arrived to the hospital early in my mission, and stayed with me throughout it. i visited her every day, got to watch her change from a dwindling infant to a strong, smiling, laughing, grasping girl with bright eyes. the war came, after i’d left, and i lost her. she’s been found. or at least word has been. she is in a town in southern sudan, with her father. that news has made for the brightest February.
it was one of two wishes i had of SMiS: to find out if she was ok. i figured if my thesis was correct, that the world isn’t just something that happens to you, but that you get to create it in some important ways, that is what i wanted to make happen. one day, i will meet her, and give her my book. in the meantime, i will keep on working to make sure she is able to read it. 90% of women in southern sudan would not be able to, no matter what language it was in.
my book, SMiS has been nominated for the Shaughnessy-Cohen prize in political writing. I willtravel to Ottawa (Canada’s capital) for the announcement, and for a series of surrounding events. some of them will put me in contact with Members of Parliament, and perhaps allow me to speak to the fragile year ahead for Sudan. so much attention has been on Darfur that the larger issue of the relationship between north and south, the election in april 2010 and the referendum in 2011, has only recently been remembered. south sudan, in particular, needs assistance for a transition to parliamentary success, and to prepare itself for its autonomous privileges. if ever there was a year for the international community to increase its diplomatic efforts in assisting the country, the linchpin for the stability of its neighbours (chad, Uganda, CAR), it is the one before us.
it is my sincere honour to be in such august company as i am with the other writers on the SC shortlist. it is also a privilege to have my book recognized as political writing. of the criticisms of my book that frustrate me the most are those that fault an absence of a pointed discourse on sudan’s political tableau. it was not for a lack of insight. it was in constant focus. we talked about it every day. we needed to negotiate the circumstances to ensure we were able to do the work we were there to do, to show solidarity for the people who suffered their lack of political agency so deeply. that our position in the country was tenuous, and the hospital in abyei vulnerable, made direct declarations of fealty reckless, with hard lessons soon to follow. both at the time, and since. that the SC jury was able to recognize the story told between the lines, of the heavy strain between north and south, the young soldiers they employed, the displacement of people soon asked to vote, the rising tension of nomadic peoples because of poorly established land rights in and around sudan, and on and on, is a true thrill.
i will have the privilege of meeting the other authors, and learning things of them and from them. i also relish the chance to tell something of my book, and explain the most important part of its story: like aweil’s, it isn’t about the past. it’s about the future. and we can help make it.
cast comes off wednesday, in sh’allah. i had booked two weeks off for a snowboarding trip out west, starting today, but i cancelled it. instead i’m watching toronto’s trademark rainysnow (nature’s most boring phenomenon) sift straight down and splatter on the ground. there’s a lesson in there somewhere.
Is’t impossible to bring aweil back with you?
Congragulations for the SMiS.
Amazing and very inspired..
I just finished your book and I thank you for your candor. I went to Uganda in 1997 as a nurse on a short term mission team with the task of building a church. I am now retired but your words brought me right back to a world that has not changed for the better. You stirred my memories about being forever changed by the experience. I will follow you with interest and wish I were young enough to return to Africa. Keep up the good work!
Mate,
Your writing style makes me chuckle, I think that might be what makes you so accesible. I had a lump in my throat throughout the book, it made me cry twice, something I am strangely proud of. I think I’m proud that I actually care. I had a look at your video ‘Abyei falls away’ on youtube mere minutes ago. It proved to me that it was real, just as the pictures that you included did, one could be forgiven for thinking such suffering was simply a story, but every time a polaroid appeared, it unapologetically thrust the situation into the present tense.
I’m writing all of this pointless prose simply to thank you. I also want you to understand the effect your book had on me.
Dan
I finished your book this morning. I bought it in London, when I went to the UK for a training related with medicines. I’m glad for it, I haven’t found it at my country yet. I just want to say that I wish one day I can contribute as you did, at least I’m working on that. I must say that I got tears in my eyes several times, which came back as I looked at your pictures.
Congratulations for the nomination! And also for Aweil, I’m glad she is alive – I just kept thinking that you would take her home with you, until I got to the end.
Best of luck and thank you for sharing!
What an incredible book. You succeeded in drawing me into the place so completely, and I wanted to be there. I think one of the reviewers was right in saying it’s all about intimacy. I was amazed at your capacity to notice and describe moments. Perhaps when you are so close to life and death, life’s small and intimate moments become very important. Reading about your isolation helped me deal with my own – having recently left my beloved Sydney for a city where I know no-one. Meanwhile my university psych study attempts to explain human behaviour in biological and cognitive models which do little to elucidate why human connection is so important to us.
Thank you, your book changed me.
Jenny
I just finished your book this morning and I loved it. I had bought it and read it in about two hours! Some of it reminded me of when I went abroad to work for a bit and from listening to stories of friends from Africa. I loved the book and it came at a perfect time as I am talking with friends over there to make plans to work in the public health field.
Loved the book!
this will be one my favourites book ever.i just love it every words….beautiful and inspiring…i ll wait for ur next books.
I am in the middle of reading your book, and I just can’t put it down! I feel like I am there with you – experiencing the many emotions you describe. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I am young and in the middle of deciding what’s next for me. You and all your colleagues at MSP inspire me at a time when I am searching for inspiration. There is nothing I would rather do than to help people the way you do.
This is one of the most raw, inspiring books I have ever read. I am 19 years old and an undergraduate human biology major, but I have long dreamed of being able to contribute healthcare to the community not just locally but globally. Although I have seen poverty in my trips to rural parts of India, your book has given me a much more realistic grasp on what its effects are from a medical standpoint. Thank you for making a difference. Someday, I hope I can too.
James, at times your writing asked questions about the mark you were able to leave in the world and the effect you could have.
The writings of others and now from me should show you now that the effect that you have had has been more far reaching and far wider than you could have hoped for. Now our eyes have read your words but some have been etched on our hearts and in our minds for ever and always.
You have made the reasons for giving to MSF even more real, more valid and more urgent.
More strength to you and my wishes that you are able to reconnect with Awiel soon.
Hi James,
I just finished reading your book maybe twenty minutes ago. So glad I found it, and so glad you wrote it. It’s an honest memoir that gives voice to both the people of Abyei (their stories and their struggles) and the complex emotions that can engulf individuals who have gone through experiences similar to yours (MSF/aid/NGO workers).
On a more personal note, I myself spent a couple of months volunteering in a developing country (Kenya) last year, and have found it difficult to talk about my experiences- even with those closest to me. The fact that you were able to open yourself up and share your story with the world is something that I really admire, and wish I had the ability to do myself. Thank you for that.
Also, congratulations re: the news about Aweil. I hope you two meet again someday, and that she grows up to live a peaceful and blessed life.
Best of luck in all your endeavours.
Chiara
Thank you so much for writing your book; from the sounds of it, many people were deeply and proufoundly moved by your words, myself included. I didn’t put it down for 48 hours… devoured it. It’s refreshing to see that there are others out there who care so much about those people and places in the world that sometimes get “forgotten”, people and places that would likely cease to exist, on some level, to most of the world, if not for books like yours. Thank you even more for the update on Aweil – what joy that news must have brought you! It certainly did me…. The idea that this book I couldn’t put down was a true story, written by a fellow Torontonian, just blows me away. Right on. Keep it up
james??? bloody hell, you’re still out there? we met in abyei, i was the health manager for goal. shared some interesting meetings with the health minister’s first visit!
give us some news, its good to see your face:)
nice work here! congrats:)
ju
I went to the library in Wellingborough, United Kingdom. Was sick over xmas so instead of heading to my family we stayed home and I decided I finally had some time to read. I picked your book from the library as my husband and I both worked with MSF in Sudan (Gedaref). Your story brought back many memories. You well described all the feelings. Doubts about why do I do this to all the people who pass by on their short contracts. The year you went to Sudan we returned from it and we settled with our 2 kids in the UK. It is hard to live in a society who doesn’t have an idear where you have gone through and what has formed your idears of life. Your book is a great present to give to people so they can get an idea. As for me it is impossible to explain it to them.
James,
Thank you.
All I couild think about for the last 2 weeks has been Aweil and the mentality that you can’t save everyone… I’ve never believed this. You can’t save everyone but you can save some, which is what you did for her. Thank you for giving her a second chance at life, to learn to live and be happy. I hope you get to see her soon.
If you or anyone else knows of any reputable organizations that need volunteers who aren’t doctors or nurses but want to make a difference please share.
I’ve felt a calling to Sudan for a very long time, and this book made me realize that I should listen.